My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
