the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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