the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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