..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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