you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
