No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
