her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
