Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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