dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
