i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
