Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
