tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
