You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
