what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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