she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
