Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
