As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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