i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
