Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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