I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
