its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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