Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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