Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
