Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
