woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
