The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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