marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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