I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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