Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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