we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
