Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
