I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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