I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
