you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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