can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
