They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
