So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
