I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
