I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
