I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
