Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
