if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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