You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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