just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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