Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
