Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
