i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
