She said her name was "party"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
