As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
