Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He better not be in your backpack
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
