If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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