It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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