keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you had me at cake vodka
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
