we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
