someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
